Paul was a real estate novelist

I have recently decided to amend my feelings about marriage.  Although I have never been against marriage in general (complete opposite, really), I was sort of against it for me.  I don’t know why, maybe just cause I haven’t ever really been in the right place in life to be ready for it and I thought maybe I’d be happy if I never was.  I’d still be happy if it doesn’t happen for me, but for whatever reason I have recently decided that I would be perfectly happy if that is what’s in store for me at some point (still not anytime soon, though).  I know this seems weird, but I have decided that I like the idea of marriage given the following conditions:

• There must be a second bedroom.  It can be a guest bedroom on a regular basis, but it needs to be there so I can sleep in it when I feel like it.
• There must be a designated space for me to go to do anything musical or crafty without being observed or disrupted.  This is my “me” time.  It can be in the “guest” room, I’m not high maintenance enough to demand two separate personal spaces…….but I wouldn’t say no to that either.
• I’m not folding my husbands laundry.  I hate folding my own and just because I marry someone doesn’t mean I want to take on double laundry folding duties.
• Finances are combined.  There can’t be any “this is mine” and “this is yours”.  When you live that way you do not have a spouse, you have a roommate that you get to do spouse-ish things with when you want without worrying.  Ya’ll know what I’m talking about.
• I do not take requests for dinner menus unless it is a special occasion.
• Adoption must be a viable option if children are in the picture at some point.  I don’t particularly relish the idea of ever giving birth to a kiddo.  Perhaps my feelings on this will change at some point, but that can’t be counted on.  Even if I DO possibly have one, I still want to be open to adopting one.
• If we do have kids than whoever is driving them around gets to drive the better car.  There’s always a “better” car in every marriage…that one goes to whoever is driving kids around.  If there are no kids, I always get the better car by default.  There’s not much of a chance that I’ll ever marry anyone who loves cars more than I do anyway, so this seems very logical and fair.
• Christmas is spent with my family.  I may be willing to make a concession and spent every 4th or 5th Christmas with his family.
• I will have all my dogs and they will all be named after my favorite literary men.  There is no compromise here.  If he has a dog when we get married, he must rename it to match the theme.
• I will not have a wedding.  It will be like a family elopement.  There will obviously be a marriage ceremony, but it will be 30 people MAXIMUM.  There are 20 people in my immediate family, so………
• Whoever I marry must (not listed in order of importance):

1. Be musically open-minded
2. Love Jesus
3. Hate cats
4. Never eat olives
5. Love football
6. Have his own friends
7. Have nice hands……..and preferably all or  most of my 12 features.

When I started writing this I thought there might be 2 or 3 conditions, but I think this is starting to look more like a business proposition than I intended.  And here I was thinking I’d write something sweet and romantic in celebration of Valentine’s Day!!!  Oh, well……….

On an unrelated note, has anyone but me ever wondered what a “real estate novelist” is?  Well I was listening to the song and decided to look it up.  I found an interview with Billy and here’s what he said:

It’s an invented phrase. When I was working in a piano bar in L.A., around ’72, everybody came and dumped their day on you. Paul was a real-estate broker, and he would say, “I’m working on this book.” But he was there every night, crocked out of his skull, and I would think, “How’s this guy getting any writing done, unless he’s doing the F. Scott Fitzgerald bit: knock out a couple of things when he first gets up, after the coffee buzz, and then start drinkin’. ” Maybe he was like the guy in The Shining, and he just kept writing the same sentence over and over.

-From Blender magazine. 7/15/2001 http://www.blender.com/guide/66688/dear-superstar-billy-joel.html